Pride Basics
by TailsTheDankEngine
Summary: Hazbin Hotel x Baldi's Basics [I made this to get candy from my bro. This isn't meant to be a serious fanfic.] Angel Dust is feeling lonely on Halloween night until he meets a bald man in a green shirt. Will his lonelyness be cured? (Usage of the word Hell)


"What a dump," Angel Dust said to himself as he watched everyone at the bar do their usual stupid things. The only difference this time being that everyone in the bar wasn't straight. He sat down at a bar stool and asked for a bottle of whiskey. A bald man in a green shirt sat next to him and said with glee "I'll have what he's having." The joyful tone in his voice matched his cheerful face and posture. Angel Dust said to the man "Hey, pal? This is a bar. You better drop the happy attitude or you'll loose an eye." The man said to Angel "Oh, hi! I'm Baldi!" before slapping himself. Angel Dust slowly turned away from the man and shouted to the bartender "Hey! Where's my whiskey?!"

Soon after the bartender slammed down two bottles of whiskey on the table. He turned away to serve other customers while muttering "Insufferable gays..." Baldi snatched the whiskey and gulped down half the bottle. His happy attitude washed away with it. Baldi slammed down the bottle and hunched over the counter like a hungry vulture. Angel Dust thought to himself Woah. This guy just when zero to my college librarian in one second! He must be a teacher. Baldi let out a massive groan then a complaint. "Why is teaching so hard?" Bingo! Angel Dust thought.

Angel Dust attempted small talk "Hey, I know the feeling, Baldi-" "No you don't!" Baldi yelled. "All I want is for one -" Baldi's whole head twitched like he got electrically shocked. He returned to his happy attitude and exclaimed "Oh! A shiny quarter!" I almost feel sorry for this guy. Angel Dust thought.

Baldi picked up a quarter and put it in his pocket. He then took another gulp from his whiskey. "Kids these days are so-" His head spasmed again and once again he returned to his happy self. The only difference this time being that Angel Dust swore he heard a buzzing noise. Just then a large beast turned him around in his swivel chair. He fished out a crumbled up picture of a man with a red hat and blue overalls. "Have you seen this plumber?" he asked gruffly. Baldi only said "Nope!" and turned back around. The beast grabbed Baldi by the shoulder and turned him around. "I can smell your fear. Where is he?" the beast asked with smoke emerging from his maw of sharp teeth.

Angel Dust defended him by saying "Look, if he hasn't seen him, then he hasn't seen him. Now buzz off!" As the guy turned towards him Baldi whipped out a ruler. Before the guy knew what was happening Baldi snatched his fat, scaly wrist and smacked it. The beast teared up and tried to pull his wrist away, but Baldi kept it firmly on the table. Angel Dust couldn't help but laugh at what he was seeing. Other people stopped what they were doing and some even laughed along with him. Baldi let go after about fifty ish wacks. The guy retreated into his shell, but could still be heard whimpering over his wrist.

A sentient clock came running down the table. "I can't believe it!" he exclaimed with a slight French accent. "You've defeated Bowser!" Angel Dust asked him "Bowze-who?" A sentient candelabra with a long wax nose came running down to accompany his clock friend. He spoke in a French accent as well "Bowser has been coming here for the longest time looking for the same guy every year. The man he's looking for never even comes here at all." Angel Dust added "What a a sad little turtle man." The clock asked Baldi "Who are you?" Baldi replied cheerily "I'm Baldi!" The clock and candelabra thanked him and hopped off to a bathroom.

Angel Dust thought Woah. This guy is a tough boy. Why is he at this bar? Oh wait. I think I know what's up. He asked Baldi "So, you up for a little escapade?" Baldi's eyes lit up when he heard the word escapade. "Let's go camping!" he exclaimed. "Sure, if that's what floats your boat."

Outside the bar was a broom attached toba bike lock. "Do you seriously ride around a broom? What are you? A witch?" Baldi grabbed onto the broom and Angel Dust did the same. As soon as Baldi removed the lock the broom shouted "GOTTA SWEEP!" and flew so fast that all colors blurred until they stopped at a campsite with one tent. "I just remembered I forgot my whiskey," Angel Dust told Baldi. Baldi gave Angel Dust the last of his whiskey. Angel Dust thanked him.

Baldi went in the tent and came out with marshmallows, chocolate, and Graham crackers. Angel Dust asked him "What do you take me for? A little kid?" Baldi frowned and slowly sunk into the tent. Angel Dust sighed. "Hey, wait. Ya know... I haven't had smores in a long time." Baldi's smile returned and he brought out all the to-be-smores.

After about a half hour of eating smores and finishing the whiskey Baldi decided it was the best time to vent. "Ugh. I can't stand all these kids. You have it lucky. You can go where ever you want." This made Angel reflect on his current life. Sure, he could go where ever he pleased if that place was in Hell. If it wasn't in Hell, then he was out of luck. Baldi might as well be stuck in He'll where he's working. Angel Dust thought. Angel called out to Baldi "Hey, Baldi." Baldi turned to him. "Ya know today's Halloween, and Halloween's the only time of year I'm actually free. What's your excuse?"

As Angel Dust finished his smore Baldi began to think about it. He never did like getting so worked up over the students messing up their questions. He did, however, like slapping them with his little wooden ruler. "Catharsis," he said to the spider demon. Angel Dust only said "Hmm," since it's all he could say with his mouth filled with white goop.

With the night drawing to a close, Angel Dust's time on Earth was running out. "Baldi!" he exclaimed. Baldi scooted over to the first friend he had in forever. Angel Dust's last words to him were "See you next year." Baldi's mind grew blank. He didn't know what to do other than give him a kiss. Angel Dust returned it as he faded away in the sun's light, leaving Baldi to wait for next Halloween.


End file.
